Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
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new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
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I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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