i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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