A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
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