i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I lost the right to judge tonight
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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