He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
