Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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