I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
