Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
