Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
