Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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