he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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