He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
