Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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