I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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