If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
