soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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