i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
