the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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