I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
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