Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Randomize
