he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
areolas are like halos for boobs.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
My ATM looks so different sober.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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