Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Randomize
