dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
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I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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