Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
