maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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