direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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