My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
