he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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