HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
