he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
