I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
