My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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