I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Randomize
