i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
