Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
