i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
