erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
