does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
