The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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