All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
