i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
