There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
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