Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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