I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
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at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
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He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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