My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
