The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
You're like the curious george of whores
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.