this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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