I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.