Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
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You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
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I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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