Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(315): View more from New York

just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again

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(972): View more from Texas

You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"

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(310): View more from California

i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets

(818): View more from California

julia child would be proud.

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(904): View more from Florida

naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.

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25 People Admit the Worst Things They’ve Done for Good Reasons
Read it at the TFLN blog
(248): View more from Michigan

like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.

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(616): View more from Michigan

someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub

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(630): View more from Illinois

What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.

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(734): View more from Michigan

my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW

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(804): View more from Virginia

She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it

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