The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
