Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
23 Gruesome Scientific Facts That Will Make You Squirm
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences In Dating Men And Women
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...