You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
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vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
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I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse