If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
