More tranny stories later!
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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