I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
