Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
my liver is dry heaving
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
