I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
