Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
