FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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