I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
