I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
