Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
