After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
