I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
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