Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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