My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Randomize
