Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
