I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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