so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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