while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
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He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
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She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
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