We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
