forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
