How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
