My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
